***Warning: This is sarcasm. If you are offended by sarcasm, please stop reading right now. No one will have any sympathy for you if you don’t.***
Imagine the shock I experienced as, a few days ago, I loaded up my family and headed to the Children’s Museum. We were making our first visit to the Holly Days exhibit, supposedly a religion-neutral holidays celebration.
Part of the exhibit is an enormous slide stretching from the second to the first floor. The slide is white, with two lanes so that two people can go down side by side. It is one of the most well-known and anticipated parts of the exhibit. I stood on the bottom floor to snap photos as Heather and Marcus came down when, to my horror, I saw the sign at the top of the slide: “Yule Slide.”
I waved and jumped up and down, trying to tell Heather and Marcus not to go down this heathen slide, but they couldn’t hear my cries of warning and thought I was just waving at them. They blew me kisses and made silly faces at me. They slid down, and were instantly transformed into progressives, shouting “Happy Holidays” to everyone we passed the rest of the day, no doubt the effects of a curse placed on the slide.
Before you take your family to slide on their fannies down this Pagan/Wiccan slide of heresy, check out the facts on Yule.
This Wikapedia link (even this has the word “Wicca” in it. Where are we headed??) explains the way the early Christians were forced at sword-point to adopt all the Pagan symbols used around Winter solstice and stuff them with the Jesus story to sanctify them. Some even claim that the Pagan symbols inform the Jesus story, but if that were true it would mean reading history could change the meaning of the Bible. Ridiculous. It might also mean that the use of the word ‘Yule’ for this slide of horrors is probably just a borrowed bit of holiday verbage. How naive. (Warning: The Wikapedia link makes it seem as if Wiccans and other Pagans are innocent, peace- and justice-loving individuals. Weed through the propaganda.)
The only logical explanation is that there is a coven of evil, Gargamel-like witches secretly running the Children’s Museum. The demons in the slide enter the tushes of holiday celebrants who innocently use the slide. I hereby officially call for a boycott of this blatantly Pagan display.
Don’t make the same mistake the Burnette family did. Know your holiday facts before you go taking your family into the outside world this time of year.
Now I understand how my kids suddenly grew up after they left home. They must have read something on the Internet that cast that kind of spell. Who in the world would want polite, thoughtful children?
The Wiccans want to modernize their image. Nothing but good deeds, I guess.
But beware the coalminers…
Dan